{"id":28,"date":"2024-12-03T17:43:00","date_gmt":"2024-12-03T23:43:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shittyfarms.com\/?page_id=28"},"modified":"2024-12-06T19:23:19","modified_gmt":"2024-12-07T01:23:19","slug":"animals","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/shittyfarms.com\/?page_id=28","title":{"rendered":"Animals"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Our animals, like our crops, are unlike any others. They are not just animals\u2014they are <em>personalities<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Gertie the Cow<\/strong>:<br>Gertie, our prized dairy cow, produces an impressive <strong>0.7 milliliters<\/strong> of milk each day. While not quite enough to fill a cup, it\u2019s perfect for making <strong>one single, slightly milky coffee<\/strong>. Gertie\u2019s dedication to \u201cgiving a little\u201d has earned her a reputation as the most <em>selfless<\/em> cow on the farm.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Lumpy the Goat<\/strong>:<br>Lumpy, our goat, is an enigma. He produces no <em>real<\/em> milk, but instead <strong>3.2 grams<\/strong> of very moist, very disappointing leaves each day. These leaves are often sold to people who are looking for the <em>slightly soggy<\/em> aesthetic in their floral arrangements.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Clearance The chicken<\/strong>:<br>Meet <strong>Clearance<\/strong>, the farm\u2019s most enigmatic and demanding chicken. This <strong>large, misshapen bird<\/strong> sports a haphazard collection of scraggly feathers in shades of muddy brown and beige. With an imposing presence and an attitude to match, Clearance looks like she\u2019s been plucked straight out of a surreal farmyard dream.But don\u2019t let her size fool you\u2014Clearance&#8217;s true peculiarity lies in her egg-laying habits. This peculiar chicken will only lay eggs if you\u2019re watching. Glance away for even a moment, and she stops, as if needing the spotlight to perform. The perfect mix of farmyard entertainment and frustration, Clearance ensures your attention is never divided when she\u2019s around.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Our animals, like our crops, are unlike any others. They are not just animals\u2014they are personalities.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-28","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shittyfarms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/28","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shittyfarms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shittyfarms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shittyfarms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shittyfarms.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=28"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/shittyfarms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/28\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":85,"href":"https:\/\/shittyfarms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/28\/revisions\/85"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shittyfarms.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=28"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}