At Shitty Farms, every harvest is an adventure—a surprise even to us. Our crops are measured in incredibly small units of measurement because, well, that’s how we roll. Some may call it “underwhelming,” but we prefer to think of it as “intimate.”

• Carrots:
  Last year, we harvested 37 individual carrot segments, averaging 1.2 grams each. Remarkably, each segment was shaped like a keychain, making them ideal for keyring attachments or, if you’re feeling adventurous, a slightly crunchy garnish.
• Tomatoes:
  In what may have been our most successful harvest yet, we produced 14 tomatoes, each weighing approximately 0.03 ounces. The tomatoes are so small, in fact, that we’ve started marketing them as “bite-sized” and perfect for mice or extremely small salads.
• Potatoes:
  Our potatoes were certainly a sight to behold. We harvested 22 “potato-like objects” that collectively weighed 3.5 grams. Due to their size, these “potatoes” are best suited for dollhouse kitchens or as handheld stress relievers during tough times.
• Cabbage:
  This year’s cabbage was something special. After several attempts, we managed to grow 3 cabbages, each with a total weight of 0.1 ounces. We’ve begun marketing them as “decorative cabbages for collectors” and “perfect for tiny pet exhibits.”